Every parent knows and recognizes their child is growing up. Maturing from the tiny helpless newborn to little independent people. We love their thirst for knowledge and independence all the while lamenting and grieving their diminishing helplessness. I have been fortunate and blessed to be a stay-at-home mom from day one of pregnancy. Truly, I have spent every second of every day with our daughter since we found out I was pregnant in November 2012. Every second of every day for the last 3 years and 2 months. My daughter and I have had our good days and our bad days, our active days and our lazy days, our artistic days and cooking days, and our cleaning days and our messy days. We have laughed, cried, been mad, and most of all loved and learned from each other.

All of this to say, I just filled out our first Pre-k application with our first school tour on Friday. I am devastated and depressed. I know she is ready. I know she needs this. I know this will be good for her. It is hard to let go and trust her care with someone (teacher) and some place (school) new. I know I am not the first nor the last mother to go through these emotions, but it still sucks. I am accustomed to the American system where Pre-k is optional; we did not attend Pre-k and our introduction to the educational system was Kindergarten at the age of 5 or 6. Here Pre-k is essentially mandatory in order to apply for Primary schools.

It all feels too soon. Too much. Despite her readiness, I am not ready. I am not sure I will be ready come August/September. Are parents every truly ready for any stage of parenting?

For now, I will listen to her father put her to bed and sip my glass of wine quietly mourning this impending end to this stage of motherhood.